MY INSOMNIA

My Mr.DNA Info for this week has just been published a few hour ago. Alhamdulillah, everything run well at this week. No creativity out of the deadline, and  little by little, my ability to face my dream in the future better than before. Unfortunately, there is something problem in my live.. yea... it's about my insomnia attacked in the night. It really annoying, i hate it much. Because of it, my daily planning also disturbed. In the morning, i have an adding activity actually. I have made a schedule to join in a gym centre on my city, i do it every morning and afternoon. Then, insomnia come and ruined my gym schedule in the morning. HUFFFT...

Talking about insomnia, i thought that it is a limbic system problem which influenced by our feeling and thinking. I realized that on my last days, my world felt so heavy, so many problem and stressful.  I have taken some medicine to solve my stressful condition, i got alprazolam (one of antidepressant agent + Muscle Relaxant) every night before i go to bed. Bizarre thing, there is no positive impact on it. I am still on my bed with an open eyes. Hmh... maybe the biology o'clock of my body has changed then make the drugs not work properly. Or my body has been resistant to this drugs... (maybe??? because i have not ever read about this agent in resistant problem). Oh iya, maybe my body has addicted to this drug, OMG this one is the most negative impact of this agent. Oh my god... It is mean that i have to enhance the dosage and use it every night. I am in a big trouble now...

What should i do now????

Wait... reviewing again about my gym schedule every afternoon, i thought that it will make me easy to sleep because my body has an increasing metabolism in physical activity, then as a body compensation, i felt so tired and it should stimulate me to get sleep surely. HMH... My freaking body. 

OH MY GOD... no idea anymore about my insomnia caused. Ups... Maybe it is caused by meta-phisics trial which has been done by another person to me (it sounds too paranoid).This is the only possible caused for my body actually. I have analyzed all of the trouble to diagnose my insomnia problem. In addition, i have taken some medical as a therapy of it. Because of there is no satisfying result, finally...  it really makes me confused. 

TRUTH

It has been a long time since i wrote my last english note. Suddenly a bright idea come into my mind then told to my heart to explore it at this screen. I realized that we live in faking world. Money has changed many people, not only the way we thought but also the way we felt. Now, no pure love, no trust and no honest anymore. There is only  interested remain. Sometimes, many people will do anything to get what they want, they forced to change the condition based on it. There is anger and a little scared on their heart about the authority which make them spread many lying and not compromised to another. The most i hate is when they judge another with negative appareance, are they realized that making someone smaller not making them bigger. O iya, this postulate is only for person with little minded. Hmh... i really understood, but i am sorry to say that i am not into them. Ups... i must to tell them that the decision was taken from a clearly minded due to experience.

I have asked to my self, where the mistaken is???

Let ourself answer it... (find it in contemplation)

Last from me, Contemplation will help you to find the truth, Do it NOW.

HAPPY…

New Finding at this afternoon added my ability in make over image to arrange my blog become the attractive one. I realized that I am a person with high curiosity. Grateful In GOD with it. I believe with my self to reach my dream whatever the challenging in my face, I will broken it being many pieces. Then, there will only one sentence on their mouth “ She supposed to be like what she want”.  Living in real live, honestly, live is so hard. We need many sacrifices to get succeed. Maybe your private living being one of them. At the first time it will kill you, producing many tears and made you be a pathetic person. It  was the process, facing them like water, let it flow…

Then the result, I have tasted freedom in my live. There were no tears and I know what I want to get as my first obsession in the future. No body can stop me,,, because it is my heart direction which come from the deep of my heart. Actually, it is the most reliable direction that we have to followed. Insya Allah, the way which I will choose will giving many advantage for people. Hopefully…

O iya, back again about my new finding in make over image. There was a new idea about background of my blog. That’s why, I looked for the answer in Google like usual I did. Then click… I got it. At least, the arranging of my blog is based on what I want, based on my vision before I create it. No body knows about what my feeling with it. I am so happy…  Yea… Again happy…

WONDERFULL FEELING

Such a wonderful world. Big grateful to GOD. Reviewing my live since many years ago, live has given me many lesson that problem made you stronger that before. I believe at my self that everything has their own reason to face live in the future. Now, waiting a good chance from me to start my carrier based on my dream that I have built since I entered University. I realized that everything is in your arms, believing much in your ability to reach it. There are no doubt to do it. Once again, Grateful in the name of GOD. I am being stronger than before. Live flow like water in a river then the stone will be broken someday because water have big strong than another material in the world. You can handled it in your hand because it knows it’s destination. It will be ended in big sea with high depth and large wide.

Difficult to say that the most important people that made me stronger is them. They are people with big jealous in their heart. Now, there are not pain and sadness again. My self flow like water, flowing with them, no against them. I felt so happy, loneliness is not my enemy anymore. I have developed from the loneliness and it was being my friend. Maybe it has been a part of live cycle in facing problem. Yea… This is not the end but it will be the opening of the real live in the future. Hopefully, with this preparing, I can touch my dream and make my parents proud of me. I don’t blame anybody in my live because my live has changed into the right direction based on my destination. Thanks to all of them. Success for all of you too. We have learned together then this a good moment for us to act all of the lesson that we have gotten, I am right, aren’t you???

I have forgiven my self and all of them without hatred and angry. There are still me with high self respected and confidence here. There were no regret and worried in my live. My tears have paid with appropriate condition. The biggest gift that I got is strength… (again… Thanks…).  Now, I am in my self that I wanted. This is my self in my dream. Last from me,,,

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR LOVE GOD IN EVERY WAY THAT I WILL CHOOSE IN MY LIVE

I am still in Your Arms MY LORD… I LOVE YOU

AT THE END OF THE YEAR

Now, I am in Kendari, my luvly city. Today is december, 31, 2011, the end of this year. Honestly, I am really happy because I will release this year together with my family. There are my dad, mom, big and lil brothers. We don’t have any planning to do at this New Year night. We only stay at home and we will sing many song in home karaoke. No wonder with it because this night is like another night, there were no special meaning with it. My family used to fulled this night with reviewing back about our live in a year and when the changing time comes we used to get pray to repaired our live next year. Now, my mother is still in the kitchen. She is cooking food for us. My father is watching football in television, my big and lil brother are in front of laptop monitor. Maybe, my big bro is playing football and my lil bro is watching movie on it. Everything is run well, there were no something special and I enjoy it.

Based on this moment this night, i want to write about my live in this year. One year has gone, and I am still remember that a year ago, in new year night precisely, I was in Jakarta. I celebrated it with my uncle’s family there. Like usual they did, we made barbecue party. But we didn’t grill chicken or meat instead of corn. Then, same with my family did, in the changing time, we pray and making hope about our live in the future. It was about 7 months of my live, I lived in Jakarta. At this time, I fulled my time with follow english courses. I entered to English First for 4 months then I have many friends from it. We have made many thing, hanging out together, eating, karaoke, etc. Then, I also worked in some Private clinic and hospital there. Actually, it was really tired era for me. Everything looked so hard. Living in Jakarta made me felt that it was a real live. There was only hard work in my dictionary. I got salary and I tried to manage it based on my necessary in Jakarta because I far away from my luvly parents. Actually, before I have a job, they still sent me money, but after the job in my hand, I asked them to stop it. Alhamdulillah, being a doctor made me get job easier, grateful in GOD.

On July, I came back to my luvly city because I was sick. It was imunosupressant symptoms. Yea, it was the impact of hard work, I didn’t care enough to my body. I got some insomnia which made me hard to get a rest and met patient with contagious disease in hospital, worsening my condition and made me falling into severe sickness. There were many red papul like pimple appeared on my face. On my mouth, I got moniliasis, and in my respiratory tracktus, I felt dispneu because of ossify of sputum on it. Oh My God, it was the most terrible moment in my live. Far away from my family, there were no comfortable living then the most I was alone in Jakarta. Then, I decided to go to my village.

Alhamdulillah,  in two weeks, I was recovery. I treated my self with appropriate medicine. Surely, there was my mother here. Everything had changing my live and my mindset. So that,now I thought “Family Is The most Important Than The Other”. Then, until now, I am in here together with my luvly family. O iya, step by step, I am still in planning process to build my carrier as a good DOCTOR here.

Last From ME:

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012

BRAIN TRAINING

Uncomfortable... My feeling is not in normal condition like a few days ago. My planning to make a new medical note stucked in first paragraph. Maybe, i need to refresh my mind. Yea... This is still the biggest problem in my self. Then, this night i want to talk a little about brain training. Actually, i realized that i have a weakness in memory. That's why, at this afternoon, i tried to make an account in brain training website. It has been made by many high educational institutions, one of them is Harvard University. We know that it is one of the best university in the world. Talking about brain training, it was provided in games form with specific purpose. There are five purposes that we can train, such as speed in thinking, memory, flexibility, problem solving and attention. They are the most of our brain function which we need to be improved because it can help us to do the best in our job.

I starting from speed function, at this website there are many games for this one but i have played the match game. This game provided many symbols and it will run according to time. Our task as a player is click the match and unmatched button. We must match between the symbol at that time and the symbol in the last appearing. Because of everything run with the time, surely, it need speed of your brain. Unrealized, second by second, we train our brain to this function, and of course there are measuring result for accuracy and the number of corrected answers.

Second function is memory. The game is about tiles choosing. There is a special area with many tiles. Our task as a player is choose the tiles one by one which have the different color with the other. We only need to memorize all the place of the color tiles because it has showed firstly before choosing process begin. It need one second to memorize it. At the last game, it also completed by measuring result.

Then flexibility game involved number and letter. There are two card in the area of games. They are top card and bottom card. At the both of card, there will appear number and letter. At the top card, we must to answer yes if the number is even number and there were no special requisite for letter. At the bottom card we must answer yes if the letter is vowel, numbers is not much influencing here. Then, click no if the number and letter inappropriate for both of the card.

Problem solving game is the most game that i love. It is an arithmetic game. This game used numbers and arithmetic symbol inside rain animation, then our task is processing all the number based on the symbol. After we have the result, we need to click it in the specific area like calculator then enter the result. Like the other, there are measuring reported for accuracy and pressure result. The last measuring is our ability in answering the arithmetic process with high pressure by the game. 

The last function is about attention, and the game to train it used our vision ability. There area many birds in the sky, then we must to see it clearly about the direction they will fly. Look them carefully... Then, click the specific button the bottom of the screen playing based on their direction. If there is one of them get the different direction, we must to follow the different one. Then, there is reported of this function at the end of this game.

Actually, at this website there are many games to train all of this function.  I have just got one of each function. In brain training, needed high frequency. I thought without this website, we can improved our brain ability in our live. For example, in memory function, we have to trying memorize everything as detailed as we can. If you are a housewife, trying to write down shopping list in a paper, but in shopping process, don't read it. After that, evaluated your memory training at your house. Finally, as human, brain is very important for us. So, KEEP OUR BRAIN!!!

MY ARTICLE IN SURGERY

One of my editing journal has been published at this afternoon. Actually, this is the longest article that i have translated. I satisfied enough with this one because the content is very attractive. In addition, it was completed with colorful image. Beside it, this article came from an high medical reference "medscape", one of the best medical journal address. In my jobless day, i fulled my day with this routinely. Browser many medical journal then translated it in my luvly mother tongue "Bahasa Indonesia". Sometimes, i thought that in learning, the most thing that we need is high curiosity. Yea... i started to translate journal since 3 months ago. I registered in many medical journal address and read  many journal then i choose the most useful for me and my friends in primary care unit. After that, it has translating process then i published it on my blog. 

My last article talking about suturing techniques in surgery. This is the sequel of the prior surgery article which i translated with tittle "Basic Instrument in Minor surgery". Both of this article is very useful for all primary care like me. Especially, surgery is the most difficult and danger procedure in medical. It has many complication  if we didn't do the procedure precisely. Okay, on this my english notes, i'll try to review both of this article. Let me started.

Suturing Techniques talk about all techniques in cutaneous suturing. There are indication, advantage, disadvantage and the procedure describing of each techniques. The most technique which has been used by many physician is simple interuptus suturing. This technique is very easy and have many advantage than the other. Although, it has disadvantage include crosshatching marks. But, we can reduce this risk with removing suture as soon as possible, at least in 1-2 weeks. This article also completed with many attractive image which make all the reader are easy to understand the content. We need to use our imagination while we read it. Then at the last part of this article, there are alternative method in wound closure. They are modern devices with simple procedure and have big cost. 

Prior translating article is "Basic Instrument In Minor Surgery". This article introduced to all the reader especially, primary care about basic tools of surgery. The tools was described very detail about the shape and usefulness. It also completed by colorful image and it was edited by my own corel. Actually, This article was not based on full journal like the newest one. It based on Minor Surgery book as particular source, and many other references. 

Combining both of this article can help us to do the best of our obligation as primary care in minor surgery. There were no doubt to do minor surgery to our patient. Last from me enjoy the articles and used our lion heart, eagle eyes and ladies hand. 

ME AND INTERNET PART 2

Alhamdulillah, i have finished my blog creation. Actually, i made some repairing in the template especially background and image header. In last four days of my live, i fulled it with learning corel software. Then, Little by little i have completed it with create my own background and header. Although, i felt that it is not enough.  I still need practice anymore. That's why, Youtube... please wait my visiting to look for tutorial of corel. Yea, we know that, if we want to learn about something in video type, u can asked it on youtube. There were many kind of tutorial that you will find. But, before you downloaded the video, you must sign up an account on it first. It is like a ticket to enter at this cite. Then, you need downloader software, clip extractor is one of the downloader which i used. In addition, if you used real one player in latest version which provided the downloader software, the process was simple. You only needed to click the download button at the upper side of the video. Then, Click... the process will running and your download will complete.

I can not imagine my self if there was no internet in my home now. Internet is become a necessary for me. A day without internet is like walking in empty world. There were no color, no taking and update free software, no medical journal, no interactive medic, no facebook, twitter and surely our relationship with another people will loss. I thought that this phenomena is globally. Everyone has tasted the advantage of internet. Starting from children, adult, and old man. It also was used for vary profession, such as doctors, engineers, lawyers, and housewifes. Internet is like a contagious disease which is affected by virus. If you have known it once, you will addicted to it. In one case, there is a mom as housewife. She has known facebook from her friend, and she build her old relationship again. Talking with them online regularly, in chatroom or in status updating. Peak of the problem is when her child write special poem about her mom and facebook. It was really ridiculous because the poem been the hottest news at that moment in television and newspaper. He...3x... Yea, it indicate that our live is not far away from development now. There are no choice to run away or closed our self from it. The best thing that we will do is let follow the flow. Take all the positive side from internet and kick down all the negative side, especially destruction programs for our generation. Last from me... Building Your Self By Internet

MANGO SEASON

MY MOM'S MANGOES

Coming again with me in my english note. I have lost many idea in a few days ago. Then, alhamdulillah i got an uniquely theme for my note today. Yea... as same as the picture beside, this note will talk about "mango". Such an uniquely theme, isn't it. Now, there are so many many mangoes in my house because my village is in mango season actually. Interestingly, all of the mangoes  which i got from mango's tree directly. It has planted by my mom since about seven years ago. The tree near from my house. It has many advantage for our house. The most important is a big nutrition especially vitamin C, then the trees make our environment looks more green which decorated it be a wonderful place.

About nutrition, we have many ways to manage it be a delicious food. I  am used to making a pudding, then it really useful for our health particularly our digestive system. O iya, I have written many recipe about pudding that i have made, you can read it in different label at this blog. I think that's all for this note. Happy "Mango Season" for all of my neighbour here.

THE TEAM OF BATISTA

Opening internet and managing my blog have been my routinely everyday. After waking up in the morning, my mind have been fulled of many ideas which asked me to write down it as soon as possible. I love writing and reading. Then, today i want to write about my job as a doctor as a doctor. I realized that being a doctor is my heart calling which has been my dream since i was a child. I read a movie tonight on HBO. The tittle was "The Team Of Batista". Batista is a special procedure of heart surgery. Generally, an individual with heart diseases, his/her heart will enlarge. This procedure cut a part of heart muscle to minimize it into normal size. Such a cool movie, all the setting take a place in operation room completely with the uniform and operation tools. In addition, they shoot this procedure very detail, starting from anesthetic process, opening surgery which cleft chest in the middle precisely (midclavicularis area), bringing out the heart and cutting a part of it. Then, they sew it again to adhere the edge of remaining muscle. Finally, they closed chest wall into normal shaping like before. Wuutz... Very cool... It inspired me to do surgery in the future. Hopefully, i can be an obginst someday. It is my dream.

This movie talk about a special team for Batista procedure in one hospital in Japan. The heart surgeon is dr. Kyriu. They got many successes in this operation. But at the three last operation, they failed. That's why, dr. Kyriu as a leader of this team suggested to the hospital director to make an investigation about it. The director asked a psikolog to do this job. At the first surgery process, the psycholog didn't see anything wrong or weird. Then, she concluded that there was no problem at this procedure. Afterwards, coming a ministery servant to investigate it. He helped the psycholog to do it. Surprisingly, they got that dr. Kyriu has a problem with his eyes, he got tight angle of glaukoma which made him limited his sight. It mean that dr. Kyriu didn't have an enough competency in surgery even though he has a good skill in it. Unfortunately, i was very disappointed with this. Actually, because of the video i became a fan of him. Impressingly...

But, the movie was not stop at this session. The ministery servant contiued the investigation used autopsy body of the patient. They used MRI. At the last case, they found that the patient died because of high pressure of his medulla oblongata not because of surgery procedure. They found that the problem came from anaesthetic medicine which was used by epidural catheter. This evidence referred to the anaesthesiologist. He mixed between anasthetic medicine in steam and liquid, then injected it into the epidural space by epidural catheter. The consequence was producing air in it, and of course air will suppress medulla oblongata which is a special place for respiratory and cardio centre. Can you imagine it??? Dead is the answer. Hufft... as a doctor, i was very sorry with it because he did it expressly. GRRRR.... I hated it. Finally, he got punishment from the government as a prisoner then his licensing as doctor was took off. Although, i am not afraid being a doctor. I saw it in different side of my eyes. Contrarily, i learned from this case that being a doctor need high humanity soul and big responsibility. Proud be a Doctor !!!

AMAZING EXPERIENCE IN A DAY

Timing to write my english note. Actually, i have lost all of my idea in my mind. O iya, i thought that it was a good time to talk about my experience in Jakarta. I lived there one year ago with my uncle. At the first time, there were no friends, and i didn't know what will i do next at this city? Then, i remembered with my best friend in senior high school, Ratih. She has got work there, and most of his sisters and brothers have continued their study in this city. She has her own house there. Then, we made an appointment to met in one place, that day we chosen "Semanggi" as our meeting place. Unrealized, when the time came, not only her attending the meeting. There were another friends which came to Semanggi. Oh my God, i was really happy with it. Can you imagine my feeling at that time? Let me describing it. In loneliness without friends before. There were no body had a same memory and character to sharing each other in problem or anything else. Actually, I came from another city , Kendari, South-east Sulawesi. Then, all my friends which attending the meeting also came from Kendari. O iya, they are Rani, Ratih, Bobby, and Agus. They move to Jakarta because of their duty. Bobby and Agus, are a servant in excise tax institution. They live In Jakarta since five years ago. Then, Rani is my best friend which was continuing her study (master degree) in Bogor, little city, near from Jakarta.

Bobby, Me, Ratih, Rani, And Agus

Three Angel In Karaoke

The meeting was held in Sky Dining of Semanggi. We offered some food in Solaria, my favorite restaurant. We talked each other and shared information about our live. Then, memorizing again about our school, especially about our unique teacher. We were very happy. We were in Solaria about 4 hours, we stopped our conversation because of the time was run to the night. Then. we are separated. But, Ratih, Rani and me still continued our journey. We took karaoke in special place in Semanggi. We broke the earth with many sings. There were no doubt to explore all of our ability in singging. We felt out from our self. We were satisfied with it. We did it in two hours until there some changing of our voice. Yea, our voice changed be gravelly. I didn't want to release this time actually, but that was the imposible thing. We went to the cashier and paid the bill. It was really an amazing experience. Far away from our parents and we tried to make an adventure in a big city with happiness and togetherness. I am really miss it.

SAVE OUR EARTH

Continuing my last note which talked about my nature in my childhood. There was a coincidence with the movie that i watched at this afternoon, both of them talked about a same thing, "Nature". This movie was a Japanese movie. Uniquely, this movie was played by a Japanese actor which was separated in some little story. The most memorable was a little village without specific name. Starting from a young boy (the main actor) entering this village. He was very stunning with the view of it. There was a beautiful river with some windmill in the middle of it which produced water natural sound. Around of the river, lie down green grass community with a colorful flower amid them. Such a perfectly combination in his eyes. In addition, there were many children which were playing in farming area while singing and laughing. He was wondered with this village, so that he came close to an old man which was sitting near from the river. He asked many question about this village. Firstly, he asked about this village's name. As same as i said before that this village did't have a specifically name, people used to called this one with "Windmill village". Then, the old man explained that this village far away from development of human civilization. There were no electricity flowing, no modern farming tools, and etc. Although, they had wore a simple  modern clothes, different with some closed ethnic in Africa which only used leaves as their clothes. They were only depending on nature. They got fuel for their lamp from vegetable oil. In farming, they used buffaloes and horses to farming out the farming area. They got food from their own farming and animal product. Then, they had made water drainage which was sourced from the river. Everything was in a simple way at this village. That's why, they had a long aged, this old man was 103 years old actually.
In another hand, there was also a horrible story a this movie. We know that Japan is one of the developed country which had many extraordinary invention. Nuclear as electric generator has been built there. All their activity was depend on it. Unfortunately, nuclear has big danger for our body, especially our cells. It can increase cell's activity which can grown up be a cancer, then stimulate the cells to get mutation. Can you imagine it? Nuclear can bring us be a monster. Japan's government has thought about this problem surely. They build special place for this one. But, as human, we can't avoid natural process like disaster. They had faced this problem many times when disaster attacked Japan. There were many nuclear place which broken. Surely, you can predict about their health if there a disaster. Remembering, Japan is one country which included in ring of fire area. Then, this young boy had judged their government as a demon because of it.
I think that the writer of this movie want to share to people that we must save our world from distraction. Using nature as supposed as we need. We have to make rejuvenation of our nature. It is for our generation in the future. I absolutely agree with it. As last statement from me " SAVE OUR EARTH THEN IT WILL DO THE SAME TO US".

TRANSLATING NOVEL

Here me again. Free from duty today. I have big planning to translate English novel. This is one way for me to train my English. Hopefully, i can speak English fluently. This is one of an attractive book because of the content is very useful for our live. It is talking about the development of vision in human live now. Vision is our deep ability which has not grown up yet. Vision help us to know about something happen in the future, especially about our live. This book teach us to arrange our live based on our willing from the inside of our self. It needs the truth of our heart. Actually, there are some steps to reach our spiritual awareness. The most important thing is releasing our self from many anger and hatred which can broken our field prayer. Be positive maybe the big key to bring into reality our vision. Logically, positively will produce optimistic. Then, it will influence our ability in doing work and activity.

The tittle of it is "Secret Of Shambala" which is created by James Redfield. He is one of sociologist and psychologist from Alabama. This book is provided in parable form which stimulate our mind to use our deep thinking. When we read it, we have to open our thought then released our self in the adventure on it. Starting from appointment with a girl who has a weird information about new place near from Tibet. Then, old friend inviting about one event in a same place with unclear reason. Both of them is a mysterious coincidence. In another hand, it can make you confusing and of course, it stimulate your curiosity to read it more. Then, experiencing in Tibet will give you many anger and hatred by China agent which will train you to control this to reach your energy of field. 

Actually, "Secret Of Shambala" doesn't means one process in finding a special place, but it is a special way to reach our high spiritual condition. When we have found Shambala, we have reached it. Final contribution from it is living in a comfortable live without anger and hatred then we can predict everything which will be happened to us by vision. That's why, we need to know about our live purposes then we must to make a vision to reach it, finally we can share it around of the world. In another language that we can change the world by built the deep ability in our self (vision). Interesting novel... Hopefully, i can finish the translating as fast as possible and all of you can read it at this blog. I promise to share it to you.  

GIRL MOVING IN TO THE WOMAN

New admin in my old blog. I have just changed my admin at this evening. There are some different with the old one. Starting from my profile which include picture, a little bit about my proffesion, and my vision in the future. Reading it will carry you to know about the content of my blog which is looking a doctor in my self as a human being which have a thousand of mistake in my self. Generally, i called the old admin as a girl and the new one as a growing girl, yea... you can called it as a woman. Admin represented my self actually. According to my definition, woman is maturing mind which lead a girl be someone with a high responsibility, not only for her self but also for her environment. In the past, every decision was handled by her parents. If there were some mistakes, it will be guaranteed by them, and of course they have a rightful authority to give some punishment to her. It will shape her mentally then giving many lesson to her memory. Second by second, unrealized the mistake has been changed be learning process for her to grown up and to know about her self. It is completely about what she want to be or her dream. Then, strong conviction has been planted in her self. Finally, this is the right time for her to move to the higher level be a woman. 

Although, being a woman doesn't mean that we have large freedom to do whatever we want without rule. We must remember that every decision which has been taken, needed responsible from you. Being a woman means that everything is in counting accurately. It supposed to produce no mistake again. All our behaviour has been measured about the negatif and postive impact.  It sound too difficult but it was a part of our natural cycle as a human being. But reader... Don't be worried... As far you follow your heart to do everything in your live, Insya Allah, it will lead you in the right direction. We just need combine between our experience and instruction from your heart. Simple, isn't it.

The conclution now, be happy girl if you have walked up in to the woman era. This is time for you to do the best in you (carrier, family and spiritual). This era give you many license in live. Enjoy it...

BLOODY FIGHTING FOR MY FREEDOM

Actually, it is a second writing for this title. Hmh... Luckily, i am a patient person. Okay starting about my big brother. I have a trouble with him this afternoon. It was cause of my badly aunt which came to my house to complaint about his son.  Actually, i asked his ugly son to take a bath before he go to attend my family ceremony. He said that he has done it, but i saw contrary so i asked it again. I didn't know with what happen at his house when he asked his mom to take a bath. But, a few minutes later, his mom came to my house with an angry face. She talked much about this problem and trying to stimulate my memory about the past thing. GRRRRRRR.... at one second, it really burned my heart. I accepted her challenging. Then, my brother came in to the area to be a hero. He gave me a five at my face and leaving a scar on it. I promised to my self that it will never happen again. I will never accept his apologize. I have known about all the consequence that i will get before i make a decision.

Felt independently, no friends, no family. There are only me and my activity. No another, no pain. I promised to make limited area to another. I have released all my dream. I will fight my freedom. Until, i died. Closing my ears and eyes with all of it. I used to live like this since a few years ago, there are no problem and i am happy because i have reached everything my heart want. The most important thing that i have fulled my necessary to actualization my self, the highest necessary in Maslow pyramid. 

My mind has shaped before i make this decision. It has been an conviction in my head and flowing like water in my blood. The hardest rock they give me, The hardest heart and mind will be shaped. They have trained me be stronger than before. Although, they are my enemy, i want to say thank you very much. Now, there are only me and my activity. Being a good doctor is my passion then it come from my heart. The bizarre thing, i felt fly... there is no weight... I don't know when it will be ended. Hopefully, they will open their heart and mind to bring back my freedom. Although, i have cried many times, but i am satisfied with everything that i have gotten. 

I can't explain about my feeling now. I am sad because the man who had done it to me is my brother, but i am happy, i know where i was standing now. I know what the game that they have played. The most useful, i know that in loneliness i have a big strong to get my freedom back. Knowing who my enemies were and who is the king of my self.

DISSAPOINTED AGAIN

Hi Reader... It has been a long time, i didn't write my english notes. I faced many problem in last weeks of my life. It started after i met the director of Provinsi Hospital (one of my place target to get a job). I was very dissapointed with everything that i have faced. It needed two weeks to apply my application at this hospital then i was rejected with an irrasional reason. I asked to my self that why my luvly country has rejected me. I tired of all the problem. I hated it. They thought that they have done right thing. Contrary, all of them were very bad thing. It only produced many sufferings in my life. I have cried for many times and angry to many people around of me included my parents. I realized that  it was mad, but i am only a human being. I had so many dream and today is not a time to try something again, it is creating time. I need my freedom. That's why, no training activity... no english notes... no journal translating and no anything else. I was only sleeping in my bed, watching television, and eating what i want to eat.  No purposes activity actually. It comes from my self, like a protest to all of the interesting people which forced me to do or to think like what they want. 

Reviewing all the phenomenon, i knew that they wanted me to change my mind and follow everything they want. This is the biggest part which made me sick. The imposibble thing because they want to change my conviction. It has a same case with changing my believing in GOD. Can you believe it? It is an infraction of my human rights. In a modern century and developing country, there was no freedom. I laugh at my self... No wonder that this country has many difficulty to change it self being a big country. I thought that big country occurs from big person. Every person need to build their ability and talent. Be diligently is the most important thing. Planting this characteristic in our self. Time by time, it will changed be our culture. Then, we will have something that we can bring to the international relationship. This is a good moment to introduced our country in a big screen of world. Although, it is not mean be individually. If we used to living in togetherness, getting many friends in many backgrounds (ethnic, religion, and race), this behaviour will stayed in your self surely. But, no togetherness in poor and lazyness. Have they seen the result of what they had done? Poor and Lazyness are the answer of it. So wellcome...

Changing now, as fast as possible. Actually, i have released all of my dream. I have just run my life with a big hope to get my freedom and being a good doctor in the future. I don't know when it will be stopped. My conviction never be changed. As long as it never damage the society, i believe that it is true. Hopefully... Everything will be happy ending.

ME AND INTERNET

Midnight come again, timing to do my night routinely… For a few month, I have never opened my email then I did it at this afternoon. Surprisingly… I got many email from NEJM, Medscape, and BMJ. They are medical web which contained of many medical journal (review journal and original article), case discussion, medical news, and perspective. Actually, getting those were not the first time to me, but reading all the files made me impress. I was really excited about this. I could improve my knowledge in medical, more and more. Then, it really made me easy to know the newest medical information, international medical information surely. It was a part of my live to reach my dream. In addition, I can help my friend to know this information by share it on bbm.

Such a wonderfull world, my mom born me on this century. We can get manything in simple way. All of this run because of internet work. Internet  not only make the information moving very fast from one country to another but also given  many change to people to find a job or fellowship in different country. Now, people should not go to the library, looking for report material in front of dusty stacks, opening many books and read all the content word by word which make us lost many time to finish our report, or carrying many book on our hand to photocopied them which produce painful in our body. Hah… now, one thing we need is only sitting in front of your computer then browsing in many medical web then type the material you want. Pressed enter button, click… at once the connectivity will run and in a minute the screen will shows all the files about the material you want. Easy, isn’t it.

Beside internet, electronic tools development also given special service to all of the user including me. I can imagine, in a few years later, there will no handbook again. It will changed by electronic book. Everybody will use tablet as a portable media to read it. We can bring thousands information only in one tablet which has weight lower than a big book (ex: Harrison Internal Book). Actually, this development is not stop now. I believe, every day the creator always think to find the new trend of it. Whatever the electronic tools have been invented, hopefully it save for our environment and doesn’t make a distraction to nature. 

Huufft… enough for tonight, now time is 1.00 am. I need to get rest because I am going to hospital tomorrow morning to do my duty. Good night all.

GO MY INDONESIA

Four days lost from my promised to write  my english notes like usual I did. There were many events which had done in my live on this period. The most important thing that I got was a big problem which I had made on my brother’s car. I drove his car and hit another car. It was an accident actually. I broke his car’s face. I got angry from my mom and dad. But, Alhamdulillah… there was insurance that I can use to fix this problem. We were still waiting for the next step in repairing process. Hopefully, it will run well and there will an answer from the insurance office about this. Beside this, I got another problem. I got diarrhea on my duty. Oh my God, can you imagine, I must go back to the toilet frequently which really annoyed me. Then, i made a prescription to buy some medicine to inhibit my diarrhea progressivity. Such a heavy four days in my life.

Now, I am on duty again. Back to my responsibility to do my job as a doctor. A few hour ago, I was in front of the television which watching on opening ceremony of Sea Games. It is 26^th Sea Games which is held in Indonesia, my lovely country. I was very exciting with this event. It has burned my nationality to support my country to be number one from the other. I optimist my country can reach it. I believe that we can get gold medal in football, and hopefully in another sport like badminton (one of our mainstay), row against, etc.

Reviewing from the last Sea Games which was held in Laos, the champion was refer to Thailand, be followed by Vietnam then Indonesia was only in third rank. I asked to my self, why we was only in third position? If we compare from the number of population, I thought that our country has many more people than Thailand and Vietnam. In addition, our size of country is larger than both of them. Yea... Indonesia has a little focused in sport in a few years ago actually. Being an athlete didn’t look promising to many Indonesian and rarely publication. There are no much income in this profession. That’s why, there is only a few people want to be an athlete even though many Indonesian have a high talent in sport. Beside this, the recruitment of athlete is not attractive. Seeing from in developed country such as USA, the government recruit athlete since they are in senior high school. There are special committee who looked for young talented in each competition. Then, they will give a scholarship for the talented one to focus on sport and had a big responsibility to represent their country in international event.

On the contrary, at this moment, I thought that there is some repairing of our sport development honestly. We heard many sport competition that our country join on it. The last is UEFA Champion for football. Although, we were defeated from Malaysia, but we have done one step ahead in accumulated our nationality to support our country. I read one article which told that someone sold his chicken to go to Jakarta and buy the ticket. Heroic… I proud to this man. As an Indonesia we must do like what he had done. We must be a hero in millennium era with this way. Supporting our lovely country with many sacrifice form.

CHAYO INDONESIA, BE THE CHAMPION ON SEA GAMES

ON DUTY IN HOLY DAY

“Happy Ied Adha” to all of you my blog reader. We celebrated it with go to our family house to make forgiving each other. Like usual we did, we started from getting praying then back to home to make a ceremonial meal. After that, we get some eating. Such a delicious holy food which has made by my mom. Then, we continued our activity to go to my grandy’s house. We met our brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and both of my grandy. Directly, we took food, the most frequency activity which we usually did in Holy day.

We continued our journey to my little village of my dad. As same as in my mom’s family, we met many sisters, brothers, and another family members. We are forgiving each other, then took food again surely. It was special food because there was “Kikil soup”. Yummy… uniquely food. After we finished our visiting in all family there, we went to home. I took a rest for a while. Then, ding dong at 20.30, I must attend my duty in hospital again. It was my third night duty actually. But, I realized that I really enjoyed my job. It has a same rule with my dream since when I was a child. There were no tired because we loved to do it.

I thought be professional doesn’t need sacrifice. The first thing that we must have is passion on your job. trying to build of love in your job. it will influence you to arrange your planning in making or doing your job the best of you. You will explore many ability in your self. You will make your day as training field with one big purpose is to get the best result. This motivation comes from your self. Then, if you have succeeded reach it, satisfying will come into your heart. Then, your mind will look for another weakness  which have needed to repaired. It will run, day by day like a regularly cycle.

The most important thing that we must have to build this is high self confidence. It is like a big car which can destroyed many pile of soil on the earth, then finally we can get refine road without obstacle. Your way to get the final destination will run well because of the obstacle has destructed before. Hopefully, I can reach my dream. It has been stayed on my mind. I see me on my dress-coat which speech in front of many people in international meeting. Speaking in English fluently with a modern medical presentation. Amin…

Back again to my duty tonight. Now, watch show 03.30 o’clock. I felt so tired actually because I did’t get enough sleep from last night. Beside that, most of the patient were difficult case which needed special treatment. Times to get sleep now. Hopefully, my sleeping will not disturb of new patient. See you…

A HOLY NIGHT ON DUTY

First duty on Santa Anna hospital was not really made me tired. There were 2 patients which came at 03.30 am. Both of them were an accident cases. They only needed  wound toilet and hecting on it as their therapy. After got treatment, they went back to his home directly. After that, I got morning pray and continued my sleeping until 07.00. My father picked me up at 07.30. Before arriving at home, we went to the minimarket first to order gas to cook. There was an annoyed event that I had seen in a part of way, a little ugly boy visited me while showing his ugly unpolite face. Huh… such a mad behavior. It indicated that how bad his parents learned him about attitude. I didn’t care with this actually. Then, I and my father still run through the road by motorcycle. Nothing impact.

Arriving at home, I did my responsibility directly. I cleaned home. After that, I accompany my mom to go to the market to buy some material of food because of tomorrow is Ied Adha. Ied Adha is one of the holy day in muslim. It celebrated to remember to the Ibrahim sacrificed. We knows that Allah swt asked Ibrahim to slaughter his son Ismail in showing his love to HIM. Without asking back, Ibrahim did it sincerely. Because of it, Allah swt. changed Ismail in to a sheep to be slaughtered. Ibrahim has shown his trust and loving to Allah swt. Starting from this, all muslim celebrate this with slaughtering animal and distributed it to another who needed it. We learn to share our wealth to another. Alhamdulillah, my family slaughter a sheep at this year. Beside to share our wealth, we hope that we can get Allah swt. blessing in our live. The picture below is the sheep which will be sacrificed tomorrow.

When all muslim are preparing their Ied Adha, I am on duty in hospital, night duty especially. Because of responsibility, I must to do it first but without leaving my religious obligation tomorrow. I am going to go back early tomorrow maybe at half past five o’clock after I get pray. Although, I am still happy to stay at hospital now. I don’t feel bizarre because I was busy enough. Thirty minutes after I came to the hospital, I was called from emergency room because there were patients. Directly, I made an examination to them and give treatment of each patient based on his/her disease.

This night, the patient come with vary cases. The most attractive was bleeding because of post delivery baby. It was referenced case from another hospital. The mother came with full consciously and pale on her skin. After laboratory examination, her hemoglobin level was 3,6. Too low for a woman. That’s why, she needed to get blood transfusion as fast as possible. I have given antibleeding medicine and uteritonika material to stop the bleeding. Then I consult to the specialist. The specialist adviced that she must be get ICU care because of there were no pulse on his arm. It will save her live. Hopefully, everything will run well. Good night…